Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
