her facebook's as public as her vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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