She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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