wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
