...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
