maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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