does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
