So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You're like the curious george of whores
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
