Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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