I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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