He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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