So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
