so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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