JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
