dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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