I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize