he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I deserve this hangover.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
