apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
