my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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