Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Never joke about your clitoris.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
