He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
