I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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