He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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