Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
