guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
