Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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