I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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