my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
