Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
