Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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