ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
