can u get pink eye on your cock?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
