Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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