cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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