I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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