K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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