got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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