return my video game
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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