i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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