My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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