so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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