what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
