if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize