Your face is a jimmy john
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
