i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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