it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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