I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
