the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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