i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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