I can tuck mytits in my pants
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
