I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
