Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize