seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
