come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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