Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
