why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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