Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
