Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
