it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
