none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.