On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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