u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.