I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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