Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize