I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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